World of the really true believer

World of the really true believer
By Ed Pearlstein
The world of the really true believer is bizarre and fascinating.

It is populated not only by ordinary humans and animals, but also by devils, elves, fairies, gnomes, ghosts, imps, leprechauns, "little people," sylphs, trolls, poltergeists, at least one god, and nine kinds of angels.

There are, in the appropriate locale, werewolves, vampires, the Loch Ness monster, Bigfoot, Susquatch, Yeti, and the Abominable Snowman.

Dead people live again through reincarnation, or by voodoo magic. Channeling and sťances enable us to communicate with those dead people who haven't been revived or reincarnated, and sometimes the dead will visit us through Ouija and ghostly apparitions.

One has to be careful of many things: the evil eye, voodoo curses, possession by demons, harassment by imps and poltergeists, and the curse of an Egyptian mummy.

There are bad witches who might cast spells over us, but good witches can undo the evil. Don't fly or sail within the Bermuda Triangle, or you are almost certain to disappear. Beware of strangely-acting people when the moon is full. And there is no way to prevent abduction to a flying saucer.

We are assisted in keeping our health through the wearing of special crystals and copper bracelets, by Chakra cleansing, and by a pyramid-shaped bed canopy.

If these things should fail, though, Kirlian photography and iridology give diagnosis of ailments, and cures can be effected by psychic surgery, faith healing, vibratory color healing, aroma therapy, wearing magnets, time in an Orgone box, and the therapeutic touch.

We use pyramid-shaped objects to focus various rays, energies, vibrations, auras, ectoplasms, and lines of force.

In order to get an advantage in a competitive world, we use morphic resonance to give us telepathy, psychokinesis, precognition, and the third eye.

Biorhythms and astrology give us a good day-by-day guide. Personal "spirit guides" will help us if only we are willing to listen. Organizations like the Rosicrucians help us to tap into The Wisdom of the Ancients.

Dousing and levitation are sometimes useful skills. The art of feng shui tells us how to orient our furniture in a way that helps assure good luck. We do our farming according to biodynamics and the phases of the moon.

For enlightenment on our selves, we can consult a graphologist or a phrenologist. Also there are altered states of consciousness, glossalalia, soul travel, astral projection, engrams uncovered through dianetics, and out-of-body experiences.

For important decisions, and information about the future, advice comes through a myriad of techniques: astrology, automatic writing, card reading (ordinary and Tarot), cynaramancy, geomancy, I Ching, necromancy, numerology, Ouija, palmistry, pyramidology, and the reading of tea-leaves.

For formal learning, we just play a subliminal tape and go to sleep.

Current areas of scholarly study are UFO "entities", Chariots of the Gods, weeping statues, the face on Mars, spontaneous human combustion, crop circles, the "men in black", and the Lost Continent of Atlantis.

The 450-year-old predictions of Nostradamus are very useful, as are the more recent ones of Jeane Dixon. And for our pessimistic moments, we get omens of earthquakes, tidal waves, volcanoes, hurricanes, and the end of the world.